It’s a double edged sword.
Even as a child I knew I had to be an adult to be free.
I had to be strong, responsible, comforting, protective, and attentive, for myself and everyone, as no one was for me.
But the trauma of who I had to be to survive is still ingrained in me.
That same sword trying to run me through.
One end wounded me as a child while trying to survive.
The other end perpetually wounds me as I struggle to escape my childhood learned behaviors that cling to me.
The same strategies I no longer need now that I’m free.