Love Amnesia

It’s difficult to love you sometimes.

Somehow this causes me to forget.

To forget that I love you.

But I do. I do love you.

It isn’t the same as being forgotten.

Can love become muddy?

I suppose that’s why they say,

“It’s complicated”

Our history and tribulations

Resulting in love so opaque

We forget, because we can only see

The mud caked on our eyelids.

There is no way out, but through the mud.

Once we’re done, we need rest

Forgetting all there is chasing after rest.

After we’ve endured the parts that make us so different.

The problems that seem a chasm, do not sever us.

We will always have this thread tying us together.

Even when we can’t see it. It’s there.

Because when you say you love me

I always remember

That I love you too.

Black sheep

Black sheep of the family. Some think its them, but let me tell you. If your family has always saved you a place and they want you around, its not you. How can you think you’re on the outside, when you’re there and they accept and remember you?

Even before we lost the linchpin, we weren’t given a seat at your tables. I regret saving any of you a seat at mine. I wish we’d realized sooner that we deserved more than twisting ourselves into shapes you’d all accept, love, and approve of. It’s become clear that we’ll never be enough. We should’ve never had to fight for our place.

Must’ve been some prenatal blood thinners while in the womb, cause it seems we’re sporting a lower viscosity. We’re just water, water under the bridge. Forgotten with the current, like we’ve always been. I’m washing my hands with it. I’m all set, because I no longer desire a seat at your tables. I know who counts us as their own.

I Got Your Back

They stacked it up to the ceiling.

Jumbled and cluttered with their feelings.

Tripping over immature and insecure nonsense.

Breaking our backs over others limited sensibilities.

The oppression of what some people refuse to think or see.

You wanted to lock yourself away in a box.

Cage yourself from the weight of this cold war.

We’ve had enough of our society’s containers and assumptions of our characters.

That will continue to be the order, but our minds have to walk their own way.

You won’t buckle from the strain.

You feel you’ve been divided, but you’ve always had a shield and armor on your back.

There was never anything to worry about, because I’ll always be willing to follow you out.

Sunlight On Eyelids

Or at least this is my take on sunlight on the backs of my eyelids. I had a few different ideas for this, because I’ve been meaning to do this painting for a while.

Also the direction the sun is hitting you and how you’re facing and how bright it is on your face at the time changes this idea/view. Each effects the image on my eyelids and this was just my favorite, because it reminds me of light reflecting on water. I’m not sure if I achieved that, but I’m happy with my result either way.

I love the feeling of the warmth, peace, and happiness that sunlight dancing across my closed eyelids creates for me and I tried to capture that. I think I’ll get a little bit of that when I look at it, so I’m glad I finally managed to start and complete it. I plan on doing one with a night concept, probably will be quite different even though I plan on displaying the paintings together once they’re both finished.

Romance Reading Dislikes and Favorites

Finding The Love Of A Good Ebook

Romance novels with some steamy scenes are definitely one of my guilty pleasures. Even some of the poorly written or convoluted/rushed plots can have merits. However it turns out there are just somethings I cannot connect with or find believable enough to choose to read even when the read has a $0.99 cent price tag.

I enjoy all sorts of genres, but in the romance genre it is sometimes difficult to find a kindle ebook that has a trope, age demographic, or type of style I’m looking for. I don’t know if this is because I don’t have the correct keywords. Unless I’m being constantly misunderstood by my kindle book suggestions that prompt new books based on what I just finished reading.

What I do know is I’m spending a lot of time sifting through romance novel suggestions that aren’t at all what I’m interested in. I won’t complain though, I have had a bit of luck lately finding ones I like.
These Aren’t The Droids I’m Looking For – My Dislikes

1: Reverse Harams

I thought I didn’t like these. I’ve found a few of these I actually do like. I found that sometimes I just have to be in a mood to change up what I’m reading at the time and I’ll see if one these fit the bill. It turns out I was wrong, cause if done well these can be enjoyable.

2: Virgin Heroine/Hero Or Both

This is not terrible. It’s tolerable, but it still kind of dampens the appeal of a romance book for me, especially when it isn’t made believable or they make a big deal of it. I recently read a book were the male lead character constantly said sexual things to the lead female character to a point were I felt I could only assume he wasn’t a virgin. Once the couple had finished having sex they both confessed that, that had been their first time. There was no moment were anything was awkward or painful and no believable reason as to why they were still without that experience previously. While it wasn’t deal breaker with that book, I still had to spend a bit of time convincing myself on the virgin part.

Most times it’s the woman who has to be a virgin only, as if it somehow improves her character. It is perfectly acceptable for a woman to have sexual feelings/desires and have previous lovers. Anyone who says any different is a sexist douche bag. That’s strictly my opinion, but it’s definitely still pretty much a fact. Yeah, I get the appeal of being someone’s one and only, but I also love the growth that accompanies past experience and being able to rock someone’s world because of the whole loved and learned thing.

This situation happens more with the heroines because of the societal stigma that woman have to be pure and virginal to have worth. Please, and no thank you. All things considered though if it’s done correctly it doesn’t turn me out too bad or dampen the story. However, at the end of the day I prefer them experienced because it adds character.

3: Baby/Pregnancy

Why do they have to be expecting? Very rarely do I find romance novels with pregnancy and/or a baby in the mix appealing. There’s nothing wrong with babies or pregnant women. I just like most of my romance novels without them because babies and pregnancy are responsibilities that don’t compute to adding to the vibe I’m looking for during my reads. That being said, I have found maybe one or two books that involve this and have been able to pull it off and still be entertaining.

4: Lead Characters Under 20 Years Old

This one is a bit iffy, because I do enjoy some of these. But I again prefer when the heroes and heroines are between their twenties and thirties. Mostly because if there are any sex scenes with younger individuals, being older I generally feel more comfortable reading about older couples. Additionally I relate more with characters closer to my age demographic.

5: Significant Age Gaps Between Love Interests

This is more of a ten years or plus age difference. I recently read a series were the first book there was an eight year age difference between the hero and heroine. I didn’t mind it much in that book. I myself am six years younger than my husband and have rarely dated men my exact age. That being said I probably will have a hard time getting into a romance novel with an eighteen year old or twenty year old with a 40 year old. They’d have to do a really good job for me to like it is all.
The Mr. Rights – My Favorites

1: Pretend Relationship To Real One

Because I know they’re kidding themselves if either of them even think for a moment that they’re not going to end up together. I love the surprise and realization of the pretend love turning into a true/real love. The heroes and heroines in these pairings tend to have a hard time realizing they want love or deserve love. I’m addicted to the journey they take discovering that they do.

2: Roommates To Lovers

It’s another situation were a pair gets to see all the parts of another person without the intention of a romantic relationship, but they become so enamored with all the things about their roommate other people don’t get to see, that they accidentally fall in love anyway. Which is another aspect as to why I like the fake relationship to real relationship because like the roommate to lovers they can’t help but fall. They fall in love with all the good and the bad not because they have to but because, well, in way how could they not?

3: Fall In Love With Best Friend’s Brother

I admit this probably has to do with a bit of the taboo part of this trope that I like. But also a best friends brother would be someone a heroine would look up to and also probably have the hots for, for a while. I do like a slow burn romance sometimes. There’s also an element of each love interest having information and bonding experiences others might not have because of the involvement each has in each others lives. It’s another love every part of them sort of thing because they got to see who they each are, more than likely.

4: Fall In Love With Brother’s Best Friend

Taboo element again here as well. Usually a few years older and someone they would grow up with that would have that familiarity and bonding experiences others might not have had the chance to have based on connections. I just love the not supposed to factor and they’re fighting against themselves for the good of their family or friend but they fall anyway.

5: Friends To Lovers

This is one of my favorites because it makes so much sense. In my opinion all the best relationships start as friends and become lovers. Who better to love you than a friend or best friend who knows you inside and out. A person who only wants the best for you. Who wants to give you the world and everything they have. Sure that’s the idea when most people fall in love, but a best friend or friend they’ve had your back all this time, even before wanting more from you. So most times if that love is reciprocated it can only get better from there.

Clark Kent & Lois Lane

I sketched this out probably two years or so ago. Last weekend I finally started to paint it. I finished it yesterday and got it all hung up on the wall. I’m just proud of myself for actually doing it and not leaving the sketched canvas in box any longer.

Just A Moment In Time

No longer a person.

Just a moment in time.

Time slipped away along with who we were.

A cagged bird with clipped wings.

A mute singer who used to sing.

Mercilessly, time streaked past and faded to black.

There we were trying not to choke on the people we used to be.

As we stumbled over who we had become.

While falling face first into the sea of who people perceive us to be.

So much bigger and smaller than we are all the time.

How can this be?

How did we lose ourselves?

How have we lagged so far behind?

Just a moment in time.

Young and vibrant only yesterday it seemed.

Thriving with promise.

All the paths stretching before our adventurous feet.

We became sad songs playing in the background.

Ever changing.

Just a moment in time.

We were restless and lost.

Aimless, we aimed.

Until we found the homes our strained hearts were meant to rest.

We found our feet and stopped trying to double back.

We caught our minds and threw off the weight that threatened to break us.

Our worlds lit up.

Everything that was big returned to a manageable size.

We no longer felt small.

Just a moment in time.

One moment in time that changed it all.

A moment in time that made us realize we had always been on the right track afterall.

Jumanji – Welcome To The Jungle (Possible Spoilers)

Just in case this needs to be said, which I doubt, but I’m not affiliated or associated with any movie corporations or any of the Jumanji movies.

Movie Synopsis:

Four high school teens discover an old video game console and are sucked into the game. Each teen is dropped into the jungle that is Jumanji, in the bodies of the adult avatars they chose. What they discover is that they don’t just have to play Jumanji, they have to survive it. To beat the game and return to the real world, they have to go on the most dangerous adventure, risking each of their lives.

My Thoughts:

I was skeptical about a Jumanji sequel. I did not want to see this movie. I grew up with the first Jumanji and sequels don’t tend to be as good as the first. Jumanji without Robin Williams? (May he rest in peace.) The first one was brilliant. I kept hearing about how great the sequel was from multiple people. Eventually I caved to see if it was up to all the hype.

This second Jumanji did it’s own thing in a comedic way all the while nodding to the original film. They had the common sense to know that they couldn’t just duplicate the first movie with different people, but still had to deliver the connection between the two movies without it being forced or disjointed. Which had been what I was afraid of with a second movie being made so many years after the first.

I thought how is the game being changed to a video game going to make it better? That’ll ruin everything, or so I thought. I was wrong, but only because they did it in the best way. I’m not always a fan of reboots of movies either, because it feels like saying that the original is outdated trash and no longer relevant. Which is rarely ever true.

The movie manages to achieve character development for each character, while encountering crazy obstacles. The different actors for the game avatars successfully portray the real life characters outside of the game, despite having to play the two different roles simultaneously. Admittedly, the new version of the villian, Van Pelt, isn’t as menacing or terrifying as the original character. However, for me, this did not derail my experience. I loved that Alex/Seaplane McDonough had been staying in Alan Parish’s jungle fort…abode?…home?…dwelling?… That inner happy voice of mine screamed, “I know something they don’t know!” I love a story were I have history knowledge that the story’s characters aren’t privy to.

Inconsistencies that don’t really matter, but I noticed anyway:

The game transformed into a video game without lightning or anything (I mean Weird Science anybody? Come on guys.) to act as a catalyst, besides Alex commenting to himself, “Who even plays board games anymore?” Not to mention it wasn’t even on top of the game console. No big deal.

Also the four teens were able to destroy the game at the end of the second movie, while in the first it seemed the only solution that had been available to anyone, ever, was to try and conceal the game where it hopefully wouldn’t be found. That being said, obviously there would be no movie if the story hadn’t played out this way.

Plot hole arguments around the internet:

I read in a couple articles that some viewers believe Jumanji-Welcome To The Jungle has provided some plot holes based on differences between the two movies. I believe I can explain these two plot holes.

First: How time passes within Jumanji. The argument is that in the first movie Alan Parish grows older while stuck in the game, but in the second movie, Alex seems to be unaware of the time that has passed both physically and mentally.

I believe this is because Alex is in an avatars body, while Alan was in his own body. Also once the game evolved from a board game into a video game the time that transpires would also be different. In a video game players don’t usually grow older unless that is the object of the game. For example the Sims game objective is to play their lives out however you want. The objective inside Jumanji the video game was to complete the game levels until the last level and return the stone back to the jaguar. Time doesn’t need to pass for the avatars to pass the levels just certain situations and events have to be achieved.

Second: How Judy and Peter did not remember their experience with Jumanji, while the four teens in the second movie did remember. While in both movies the elder children who started playing the games always remember what happened no matter what and are returned back to the time they first started to play the game after completing the game.

Judy and Peter started playing jumanji after their parents went on that trip and died, so it’s possible they’ll get their memories back when they become the same age as they were when they first joined the game in 1995. Which they weren’t the same age when they encountered Sarah and Alan again at the end, because their parents were still planning that trip. It also seems that Sarah and Alan would’ve altered that timeline as well, in the end, because they both advised the parents against the trip.

Additionally, Sarah and Alan’s lives are connected to Judy and Peter’s, because when Alan’s timeline is altered by being in the game it directly impacts Judy and Peter’s timeline. Same goes for when things are set straight, Judy and Peter’s timelines are back on course, but still eventually connected.

The timelines mostly stayed the same in the second movie, because Alex’s presence inside or outside the game made no impact on any of the four teens lives. So nothing would’ve changed except Alex’s situation and timeline. The game would’ve returned all of the participants back to their previous times and places. If the timelines had no impact on the others, then it’d be less likely they would forget their experience in Jumanji when nothing in their timelines had changed.

I liked this movie a lot. So none of these lengthy explanations or inconsistency notions mean I have any problems with the plot or any of it. I just enjoy trying to make sense of it all, for my own fun.

Jumanji-Welcome To The Jungle is able to provide an enjoyable movie experience without compromising the first movie. It’s almost better that they had to play the entire game while inside Jumanji, instead of being sent there as a “go to jail” sort of game roll of the dice. Because it doesn’t feel cheap, like a replica movie that could never be the same as the original.

We learn from the sequel that Jumanji isn’t just a game, it is also place or alternate world. It might not be actual back story to the game, but it feels a bit like it either way. Two worlds in one story, who doesn’t love that? Welcome to the jungle? I love it.